If you ever feel unsafe and feel like you need help, please call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Also if you are not sure if it's abuse the National Domestic Violence website is a great resource for your questions and they also have an online chat.
2) Controlling Behavior "Concern" is the word often used, but it quickly becomes evident that freedom of choice and respect is going out the window. This can be anything from how you wear your makeup. to what clothes you wear, to the friends you keep and what time you need to be home.
3) Quick Involvement In other words, going too fast in a relationship. It takes time to get to know someone, jumping ahead into intimacy or living together is often out of pressure with abusers.
4) Unrealistic Expectations They become dependent on you for all their needs. Starting off as "You're all I need" will turn into, "It's your fault" because no one can be everything to anyone. Expecting you to know what he's thinking.
5) Isolation Every moment has to be filled by the abuser, this can become a habit during the "Quick Involvement" stage and before you know it any relationship with friends or family is considered as interfering. This can go to the extremes of moving to an isolated area, not allowing transportation or having a job.
6) Blaming Others For Problems It is possible that accountability is not in the vocabulary of abusers. If they do something wrong, it's not their fault. It's because of something you did. Remember only you can control your own reactions and only he can control his. Another sign of this is if they use gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone uses manipulation to make it seem like the other person is crazy and at fault.
7) Blames Others For Emotions Extreme emotions are used as a tool for manipulating their partner, work environment, and family. And more often than not, they are always your fault. Again, gaslighting can be used here. They will deflect any responsibility and shift the blame to you.
8) Hypersensitivity They are easily insulted and angered. He will rant and rave about the injustice done to him over matters that are just a part of life or accountability. You will feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him to try not to upset him.
9) Cruelty to Animals or Children 60% of People who abuse their partner also abuse their children. Seen and not heard is their motto. They may expect children to do more than their age can understand or be capable of. Can be cruel to animals and even be insensitive to their pain or suffering.
10) "Playful" Use of Force in Sex They may hold down a partner during sex, show that rape excites them, want or demand unnatural sex acts. They may start having sex with the partner while they are ill or sleeping and use sulking, anger, or guilt to manipulate them into compliance.
11) Verbal Abuse Saying things that are meant to be hurtful and cruel. Running down any accomplishments, making things up and twisting events to suit them. They may also cause a fight to suit their own purpose, such as an excuse to leave without communicating with their partner.